


It's Not Speak Or Forever Hold Your Peace

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Childhood bff!AU, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pining, childhood best friends, what even is this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-02
Updated: 2013-12-02
Packaged: 2018-01-03 06:30:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1067180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liam was kidding though, Louis could tell, he was always going to save Louis from whatever mess he got himself in to.</p><p> </p><p>or; a childhood bff au where Liam's the batman who saves Louis from all the hurt in his life and Louis is the superman who saves Liam from all the hurt in his.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Not Speak Or Forever Hold Your Peace

**Author's Note:**

>   
>  standard disclaimer: I don’t own one direction. This work is entirely fictional and I would rather it was not shared with anybody portrayed in it, I’m just using the characters of the boys for a plotline in my head.  
> Sorry this is unbeta'd.  
> Inspired by the time I tweeted something along the lines of "you've got both superman and batman to save you" and someone (I think it was one of my best friends, anyway) said "they save each other" and the whole conversation escalated from there as does every LiamandLouis scenario I ever talk about with anyone.  
>    
> Title from the song  _Porcelain_ by  _Marianas Trench_.

 

*

 

It's crazy how well they fit. Like the way day blends into night as the sun goes down or the way the final piece of jigsaw puzzle just slots in there- completing it. That's what it's like for Liam- Louis just _fits_ , just completes him. He fits under his arm and he slots right beside Liam, curled up facing him in bed and he fits into all the cracks and dents that harboured Liam's heart before he met Louis.   
  
Louis with his ridiculous red trousers and floppy fringe, with his loud laugh and sing-song voice, with the crinkles that form at the corner of his blue, blue eyes when he shakes his head fondly and smiles at Liam. The boy who'd crashed straight into Liam's chest around Christmas of Year 5 (Year 6 for Louis), handing out flyers for the Nativity play he'd gotten the part of Joseph in. They were best friends from that point on, really. Joined at the hip. Inseparable.  
  
"Muuuum, can Louis sleep over tonight?" Liam would ask, bounding up to his mother at 3:15 pick up time in the school playground every Friday. The answer was always yes- seeing as though it turned out Louis lived right across the street.  
  
It was amazing, exciting, to have a best friend. Liam had never really had friends before- let alone a _best friend_ , someone like Louis; who'd giggle at all their silly inside jokes and bury his face into Liam's shoulder; who'd stay up with him way past Liam's mum said "lights out" (one time even until two o'clock in the morning) and snuggle under his batman duvet next to him and flip through comic books, shining the light of a keyring torch on the pages and reading out the storyboard in funny, but whispered, voices and making Liam stifle his giggles with a pillow.  
  
The thing is Liam was always a shy boy, where Louis was loud and brash. He was more sensible and reserved whereas Louis was spontaneous and absolutely insane. They shouldn't have got along like they did, but they balanced each other out. Liam calming down Louis, helping him focus, keeping him grounded; Louis picking Liam up, encouraging him to be more confident, be more himself (also pull various pranks on the classmates Louis had defined as 'the enemies', but).  
  
Particularly as a young child, Liam was in and out of hospital, problems with his kidney- singular. He missed a lot of time off school and while everyone else was playing 'you're it!' in the playground, Liam was dosed up on painkillers with doctors probing at him for hours on end. So the kids weren't always that understanding of Liam's condition, and kids can be cruel, and primary school was very hard for Liam until he bumped into Louis.  
  
Louis would find Liam hidden away in corridors during playtime, and sit down against the wall next to him, tilting his head to rest on Liam's shoulder and telling him: "You're not to listen to what those idiots say, Payno, they've got nothing on you and you could kick their butts at Mario Kart any day!"  
  
March came around and Louis found out what secondary school he'd be going to. And while Liam was happy enough to see Louis smiling and rambling on about how great it was going to be and how he'd actually have a _proper drama teacher, Liam_ , he couldn't help but miss him before he was gone and wonder what the hell he was supposed to do when he was left on his own again. On Louis' last day in July, when everybody writes good luck messages on the Year 6's school shirts, Liam just hugged his best friend and cried.  
  
"Shush now, Li. Don't be daft! I'm still going to live right across the road from you,"  
  
"I know," Liam had sniffed, "I'm still going to miss you, is all."  
  
There wasn't really much space left on Louis' shirt for Liam to sign, but he managed a tiny "Payno x :)" on the underside of his collar. He was about to put the cap back on the marker when Louis gripped his wrist and pulled it from his hands, lifting up the edge of Liam's collar to write a small "Tommo x :)" there too.  
  
Liam may or may not have worn that same shirt every day possible, when his mum didn't insist on washing it that day, to school throughout his final year.  
  
Liam sat the 11+ test in November and he knew he wasn't smart enough to get into the school Louis had, but it still hurt like anything to find out he hadn't in March. Most of Year 6 for Liam was spent hiding in the one music room they had, or claiming having a headache to sit in the nurse's room. He got home from school before Louis did, and he'd always have to wait for him to finish his homework, but most days Louis was round and they were pressed side by side on the sofa in Liam's living room watching reruns of Two and a Half Men with bags of prawn cocktail crisps; Louis talking over the programme about how much fun he was having, about his friends Zayn and Stan and some girl named Hannah.  
  
Most of the time Liam wasn't paying much attention to _what_ Louis was saying- just the happy thrum in his voice and how the words fell from his lips curved into a smile.  
  
Though he lived across the road, Liam had only been to Louis' house about three times- when his parents were out and Louis needed a hand babysitting his sisters. Liam never really thought too much about it. Looking back he feels somewhat guilty that he didn't.  


  
It was the last week of the summer Holidays before Liam was due to start secondary school when there was a knock at his front door around eight pm.  
  
"Liam, honey, can you get that?" his mother called from upstairs.  
  
Upon opening the door Liam was faced with a tired looking Louis, superman duvet draped over his shoulders like a cape, trailing on the driveway at his feet, and backpack in hand. "Can I stay over tonight? Would your mum mind?"  
  
Louis sat at the other end of Liam's bed, his superman duvet pulled up to his chin and his feet pressing against Liam's. "I knew he wasn't going to stick around," Louis angrily scrubbed the back of his hand across his cheek, as if he wiped it away quick enough no one would've noticed he was crying.  
  
"Louis? Lou, do you want to tell me what happened?"  
  
"He... Mark's gone. He walked out on us just like my real dad did after I was born. He left us, Li, how could he do that to my mum? I thought he loved her.. loved all of us. I thought that," Louis stopped to hiccup, "I thought we were something of a family,"  
  
"Oh, oh Lou," Liam's voice was barely a whisper as he clambered forward on his hands and knees and pulled Louis into a tight hug, "I'm sorry."  
  
"Don't be," Louis pressed his face into Liam's hair and Liam could feel his tears soaking in, "s'not your fault."  
  
"It's going to be alright, Louis. You'll be okay, and _I'm_ never going to leave you," Liam held Louis closer, drawing the duvet around him tighter, "alright, Superman?"  
  
Louis managed a quiet laugh and sniffed, raising his head to look at Liam with eyes bright though framed by tear-clad eyelashes, "Yeah? You're my Batman and I know I've got you, just the same as you'll always have me to be the Superman who saves you. You're my best friend,"  
  
The only light in the room was coming from Liam's clock reading 23:11, a blueish glow that fell on Louis' face, casting the shadow of his eyelashes on his cheekbones and on worry-bitten lips pulled into a small smile. Liam had thought boys were pretty before, even if he didn't know what it was supposed to mean, but Louis in this feeble light was absolutely gorgeous and it made Liam's breath catch in his throat when Louis looked up and pressed a kiss square in the middle of his forehead, "Love you, Li,"  
  
Swallowing thickly, Liam pulled Louis back into a hug so he didn't have to look at his face, muttering, "I love you right back," into his hair.  
  
They fell asleep that night with limbs tangled and foreheads pressed together. Louis had always been the eldest, shielding Liam from all the idiots at school, but just then, lying there and holding Louis, so tiny and fragile, Liam wanted nothing more than to jump in front of everything that was ever going to hurt Louis, so he'd never have to see him look in so much pain again.  
  
  
  
Louis had always raved about how great secondary school was, so Liam wasn't that scared. Hell, he'd even have a proper music room and could take up singing lessons at lunchtimes if he wanted. In having Louis around he'd almost forgotten how cruel kids can be. What a foolish thing to do, that was.  
  
The work was hard and the dickheads made it even harder. Every morning Liam felt sick to the stomach with the thought of spending seven hours cooped up in a classroom with no heating, feeling bits of eraser and screwed up balls of paper hit his back as he tried to concentrate on the work he didn't understand, from teachers _who didn't_ understand, and ignoring the whispers and snickering that went on behind his back.  
  
Every day during last period, he'd stare at the clock willing the minute hand to hurry up until the bell rang and he'd throw his bag over his shoulder and hurry out the school gate, getting to the corner where his and Louis' paths home crossed and they could walk the remaining journey back together. It made it all worth it, made all the crap he'd dealt with throughout the day just dissolve when he saw Louis there waiting (he was always waiting) with a wide grin and cheeks pink from the cold, prettier and prettier every day. It made his heart skip every time.  
  
By the time Liam was fourteen he was almost certain he didn't like girls. One too many wanks in the shower thinking about boys' strong arms and boys' hard abs and then boys with blinding smiles and silly floppy hair and bright eyes. It didn't make sense to keep it hidden and his family were supportive enough when they realised he was serious, though he shouldn't have expected much from anyone at school.  
  
Christ, he hated the f-- word. Especially now as the screwed up balls of paper thrown at his back turned into rough shoulder barges in the corridor sending him slamming into lockers, and subtle kicks to the ankles or elbows in his ribs, that word spat out their mouths like venom, something disgusting.   
  
So his father suggested boxing. What a brilliant suggestion it was too. Every Wednesday and Saturday Liam bounced on the balls of his feet, taking swings at a punch bag or jabs at the gloves his trainer wore. He was taller now too, actually the same height as Louis, and from sit up after sit up and time on the weights, he began to bulk up more as well.  
  
When he was fifteen he met Harry, a curly haired boy in the year below who openly admitted he liked both boys and girls. The kids were never mean to _him_ , but how could anyone say anything hurtful to that dimpled smile and those cheeky eyes. He was charming.  
  
"How's Harry?" Louis would greet with a smirk when Liam met him at the usual corner, teasing him about his 'crush'. Okay, Harry was cute and maybe Liam did fancy him a bit, with eyes green enough to distract from the blue of someone else's- someone else who had a girlfriend at the moment.  
  
HarryandLiam was a thing for a good four months, sloppy kisses behind the bike shed and one time an almost-hand-job at Harry's parent's house when they were left home alone. Harry was great, really, and Liam really appreciated him- but they both knew that the only reason they were together was because they were the only two boys in the school who openly liked other boys.  
  
It didn't hurt Liam as much as it should've when Harry broke up with him but had his tongue down Caroline-in-the-sixth-form's throat the next day. It even meant Louis went especially out of his way to cheer Liam up; doing extra stupid things and tickling him when he thought he looked too sad.  
  
"I'm not that heartbroken, Louis. You don't have to-"  
  
"But, Li, remember? I'm still your Superman, yeah?"  
  
Of course he remembered, he'd never forget a single detail about Louis. Like the way his smile was slightly crooked and the arch of his eyebrows and his soft hands and the tiny chip in his front tooth and his blue eyes and the way he always covered his mouth with his hands when he laughed.   
  
How he worried about his mum and his sisters too; how he'd get frustrated when his fringe wouldn't go right and would bat Liam's hands away when he tried to help; how he'd fall asleep next to Liam, mouth parted slightly and eyes shut lightly, forehead creased with a frown. Liam always wished he knew what was worrying him, so he could take it all away and Louis could sleep through without waking up at 5am for no reason, thinking Liam hadn't heard him shifting and wriggling around to get comfy against his side again. He could never forget a single detail about Louis.  
  
  
  
*  
  
  
Hearing his girlfriend confess that she liked someone else and that they'd be better off as friends hardly fazed Louis at all. He wasn't sure he ever really fancied her that much at all. He wasn't sure he ever really fancied _any girl_ at all.  
  
He didn't tell Liam about the breakup. He didn't tell Liam that he had a million sexuality-related questions buzzing through his head. Liam needn't worry about him and he always grinned so brightly when he found Louis waiting every day, throwing an arm over his shoulder and rattling off about this 'Harry' of his. It made Louis' heart bang painfully in his chest and, God, when did he turn into such a jealous best friend?  
  
So what if he thought Liam was nice to look at? Taller than him now, more toned and his school shirt and blazer hugging his body tighter. Ridiculous biceps holding Louis close and warm brown eyes that he wouldn't mind staring at for a few decades. So what if Liam laughed and made his eyes go all squinty and adorable, if he had the pinkest lips anyone's ever seen and looked at Louis like he hung the stars? So what?  
  
The day Louis came out he almost had a full on anxiety attack. He couldn't breathe and it felt like his clothes were suffocating him, like the walls were closing in, like his stomach with churning with acid and he was going to be sick.   
  
But after he said it aloud for the first time- that was it. Most people just shrugged and carried on as if everything else was normal. Just another thing they'd learnt about Louis, like they'd learnt his favourite colour was blue, and they didn't treat him much differently than that. Aside from the occasional rude comment from some arsehole, it was fine. He wasn't sure what he was ever afraid of. Liam just grinned and said that now they could go out hot-guy-scouting together and Louis laughed along, ignoring the way his stomach dropped heavily.  
  
Louis' mum was working extra shifts at the hospital these days, leaving him in control of his sisters. But it wasn't so bad because Liam popped over every other night and he was great with the girls- they adored him. It made Louis' chest flutter to see Liam laughing, swinging Daisy and Phoebe over each of his shoulders, he was so strong and he was always making sure the girls were happy. At the end of the day though, Louis told himself, he was just a sixteen year old boy who may or may not have been a tiny bit in love with his best friend. Not that it mattered, right?  
  
It was Liam holding up flash cards to help him revise that got Louis through his GCSEs and it was Liam holding him as he tried not to cry that got Louis through picking up the phone to hear his birth dad for the first time in eight years only to tell him he was moving to America with his American fiancé. Liam who always knew what to say and when to say nothing at all and when to dig out his old batman duvet so they could lie side by side watching whatever show Comedy Central was deciding to replay over and over today.  
  
Louis lost his virginity at his friend Niall's house party when he was seventeen, drunk off his tits and with a guy whose name he wasn't sure he ever got it the first place. The only thing he remembers even now is the bloke's hair was short and brown and he had ridiculous biceps not unlike someone else Louis knew.  
  
He'd phoned Liam up and with words slurring asked him to pick him up, seeing as though he was learning to drive, and almost fell into Liam's arms when he pulled up on the curb outside the driveway.  
  
"Woah, woah, Lou.. what happened? How much did you drink?" Liam knotted his eyebrows together and frowned, pushing Louis' fringe out of his eyes with his thumb.   
  
Louis couldn't help but giggle because there Liam was looking like a puppy dog but he was the one stroking Louis, "No, silly! I'm supposed to pet you!" he tipped his head back an laughed, dragging a hand down Liam's chest and stomach, ignoring how Liam froze before catching Louis' hand and pulling him over to the car, warning him not to vomit or he'd make him walk. Liam was kidding though, Louis could tell, he was always going to save Louis from whatever mess he got himself in to.  
  
That night Louis stayed over Liam's and Liam let him wear his old batman t-shirt that was so big on Louis it came down to his mid-thigh. It was the best Louis had slept in years.  
  
It got harder as the exam months cane around, what with Liam working away too now, but Louis _always_ made sure there was time to see him. If it meant standing in the doorway of the boxing hall, watching Liam bounce around the punch bag or the way his abs moved as Louis held his feet down whilst he did an amount of sit ups that nobody in their right mind would do. Louis would make time- not that he ever minded attending his boxing, but.  
  
When Louis was in Year 13 he got the part of Danny Zuko in his school's production of Grease and on the night of his performance he almost collapsed- remembering the feeling to be similar to what he felt when he came out for the first time.   
  
But when he was up on stage and the lights were in his face so he could hardly see anything in the crowd, it didn't matter- and it didn't matter when the lights began to dim after his first scene and he could see Liam beaming in the fourth row of the audience, clapping and cheering harder than anyone- even wolf whistling on two fingers and almost making Louis fall off the stage his heart was beating so fast.  
  
He knew that he didn't want to go to university, couldn't stand leaving his mum with the girls. So he got a job at the DVD rental shop on the high street that Liam walked past every day on his return journey from sixth form; that Liam stopped by every day to stand around and keep Louis entertained until Louis' manager came to shoo him away if he wasn't renting anything.  
  
It's just that whereas before Louis was a sixteen year old with a painful crush on his best friend, he was now an almost nineteen year old who was so far gone and so deeply in love with his best friend it actually hurt his rib cage when he tried to breathe.   
  
It was just Liam with his big brown eyes that melted his insides and his strong arms that made him feel so safe and how even after almost ten years he still looked at Louis like he hung the stars and that he'd hung them all one by one especially for _him_.  
  
He knew he should get away, really, that he was only hurting himself by tracing his finger along Liam's jaw when he slept and smiling and nodding as Liam tells him about a boy in his English Lit class and hugging Liam tight when he finds out the boy has a girlfriend.  
  
Louis was sad, okay, and run weak by unrequited love.  
  
Alcohol helped. Well, no, it didn't really, but it numbed the pain and helped him take his mind off Liam. As much as sitting in his room wearing nothing but his boxers and Liam's batman t-shirt whilst chugging down bottles of Peroni numbed the pain, it also made him make rash decisions- Louis was spontaneous at the best of times but if he didn't have quite some ideas when he'd got a few drinks in him.  
  
  
To: +447..Liam xxxx  
Sent: Today 22:19  
\- - - - -  
cuom here i nede to tell u sotehng !  
  
  
  
From: +447..Liam xxxx  
Sent: Today 22:20  
\- - - - -  
louis are you okaaayyyyy??  
  
  
  
To: +447..Liam xxxx  
Sent: Today 22:22  
\- - - - -  
dott worry mum and thw gir ls are at gradnprents so i home alone :) u can cume overr  
  
  
  
From: +447..Liam xxxx  
Sent: Today 22:25  
\- - - - -  
i'll be right theerree 2 minutes x  


  
Louis almost jumped out of his skin when the doorbell rang, and almost stumbled head-first down the stairs to fling open the door and find an extremely concerned looking Liam standing there.  
  
"Oh, Leeeem you're here!" Louis jumped, pressing his face into Liam's chest and welcoming him with a tight hug. Wow he smelt nice.  
  
"Bloody hell, Louis, are you drunk?" Liam said, shuffling Louis inside and shutting the front door.  
  
Louis couldn't stop the giggle bubbling out of him, "Maybe," he waggled his eyebrows, forgetting what he was wearing.  
  
"Come on," Liam took Louis' hand in both of his and Louis felt his cheeks flush, "you going to tell me what this is all about?"  
  
Louis looked at him thoughtfully for a moment, before tugging him up the stairs and into his bedroom where pushed him onto the bed and fell on top of him, laughing quietly and hiding his face in Liam's neck.  
  
"Lou?" Liam asked, pulling Louis up and propping up on his elbows behind him.  
  
"I love you,"  
  
"I love you too, Louis, but what-"  
  
"No!" Louis squeezed his eyes shut and sat back properly on his heels on Liam's legs. Shit, it was hurting and Louis almost regretted the alcohol because what had seemed like such a great idea was now coming undone as Liam sat there before him with his warm brown eyes searching Louis' face and clouding over every word Louis had planned for this moment. "No, you don't- you don't get it.. I-" he was frustrated and he was more petrified than he had been sober and then he was kissing Liam; pressing his lips to the ones he'd spent hours daydreaming about, soft and slow and probably tasting of too much alcohol but it didn't matter because Liam wasn't kissing him back, anyway.  
  
Louis pulled back and put a hand on each of Liam's shoulders, looking him dead in the eyes and saying, "I mean I'm _in_ love with you, Batman,"  
  
And then Liam was kissing him, gentle but strong and running his tongue across Louis' bottom lip, two large hands on his hips hoisting him closer, impossibly closer, igniting all of Louis' nerves on fire, before he broke away for a second to breathe.  
  
"You better not be kidding, Lou, because you may well be the only person who hasn't noticed that I've been in love with you since I was like eleven,"  
  
He felt weirdly sober then and Louis wanted to cry he really did, and even against all his efforts he couldn't ignore the tears tracking their way down his cheeks, "You have?"  
  
"Oh my god, yes. Do you know how long I've spent trying to make people who aren't you fit? But it never works. There are all these great guys who _could_ be you but they never are and I've always been too scared to go for you because I didn't think you would l-"  
  
"But I do. I love you. I love you so much I can't breathe, I-" Louis stopped to press a kiss to the corner of Liam's mouth, the tip of his nose, his jaw, his cheekbone just under his teary eyes, "love you, love you, love you so fucking much, Liam Payne."  
  
Liam just pulled Louis down on top of him and laid there with him on his chest. Louis could hear his heart beating and it was weird how it fitted with Louis' in a syncopated rhythm an Louis could've quite happily lain like that for ever. "I know I'm kind of drunk but I'm serious, you know. I don't want to wake up in the morning without you here."  
  
Liam just hummed and pressed a kiss into Louis' hair, "I'll be right here with a glass of water and some aspirin to wait for Sleeping Beauty to awake,"  
  
Louis laughed and tried to kiss Liam at the same time, "Shut up" and, yeah, that felt right.  
  
Liam smiled back, hand rubbing circles in the dip at the bottom of Louis' spine, "You know I'd never leave you, Lou."  
  
  
And that's how they stay.  
  
It's crazy how well they still fit. Like the way night blends into day as the sun rises from behind the hills or the way the final piece of a jigsaw puzzle just slots in there- completing it. That's what it's like for Louis- Liam just _fits_ , just completes him. He fits right inside him, strong and sweaty above him sending him crashing over the top in waves of white-hot pleasure, and he fits right around Louis hugging him tight from behind with his stomach flat against Louis' back, and he fits into all the cracks and dents that harboured Louis' heart before he met Liam.   
  
Liam who he loves with every fibre of his being and more every single day. Liam who loves Louis, red trousers and floppy hair included and looked at him as if he'd hand-crafted the stars himself and hung them one by one just for Liam.   
  
It's just how they've always been, except now when they're snuggled under ridiculous super hero duvets that really they're far too old for, they're allowed to kiss each other and touch each other and now they're allowed to be caught staring for more than a few seconds and Louis is allowed to tell Liam how beautiful he looks when he's just woken up- pyjama bottoms slung low on his hips and hair sticking up in thirteen directions and he's allowed to bring him a kiss with a cup of tea and he knows that Liam is never going to leave him. He'll always save Louis from whatever mess he gets into just the same as Louis would do for him. It's their deal: they're always going to have each other.


End file.
